all schools are apparently filled with tweedledees and tweedle fucking dums because all of the atrocities that led to my writing this post's older brother HAPPENED FUCKING AGAIN. im also starting to think that smarter kids are even dumber than their friends at the lesser ivys because the shit i saw and heard (and smelled) was just plain carcinogenic
1. don't fucking walk in 40 minutes late and then push through the crowd of eager beavers to secure a good spot for mingling time (e.g. RIGHT in front of where we're sitting). don't be that guy at the movies who inconveniences everyone else because you just HAVE TO sit in the god damn middle seat. also, it's hard for whoever's presenting to try and not acknowledge you when your fucking tank of a backpack just gave some poor kid a black eye. you are a dick. an awkward, clueless, disruptive dick. have fun mingling lol
2. guys, this isn't a fucking randy dandy fashion extravaganza. do not wear a bow tie or a fucking vest. cool it on the pink (or purple fucking satin) shirts. your being the least obnoxious of the bunch is what should make you memorable, not your metrosexual choice of attire. AND GIRLS (all 11 of you) do not wear shit that you'd wear to the club or to a fucking tea party. just because your dress code is more flexible doesn't mean that you can, like, omg, wear totally whatever tehehe. go put on a skirt suit at the very least, and not one with a skirt that looks like some gravitationally implausible bubble kind of shit
3. do not bring your resume. do not grip a stack of resumes in your hand. do not hand me your resume. what the hell do you think is the point of OCR? upload that shit online, moron. shoving that piece of paper in my face unwarranted just makes it easier for me to recommend your clueless ass for dingapalooza
4. dont go foraging at the refreshments table and proceed to straight up NOSH the entire time we're talking wtf????? that food spread was only ordered because it seemed like the natural thing to do, not because we wanted to provide you with a hearty dinner. are you kids seriously crazy?
5. dont stick your entire head up my ass and then act like a dick to the kids standing next to you. we see that shit and you're done, buddy. if you can't play nice with these harmless babies, it's all but guaranteed that you'll be a total pain in the ass on a late night. so play nice, wait in line, don't cut people off. this isn't fucking kindergarten. you guys should already know all of this
6. lastly, don't wink wink nudge nudge ask if we're doing anything afterward. you know what we're doing? going home. we're each going to our respective homes to shower and wash off the scent of desperation and urgency that you little fuckers have straight up RADIATED for the past three hours. even if we WERE to go grab a drink, it sure as hell wouldn't be with you, young stalker. so stop the winking. stop the nudging. i do not want to grab a drink with you; you are 11 years old. isn't it your bedtime already anyway?